Anyhow, this should have been a Dreaded Chemistry Lesson From Hell,® a normally (but not always) popular feature where I get to demonstrate how much I know forgot about chemistry from my time in the lab.
But it is not...
Why?
Why is this not an official Dreaded Chemistry Lesson From Hell,®? I am rather disturbed to report that Steve and Irving, your hosts, are hiding in hell's basement for fear of being deported, even though they've been legal citizens down there for 15,000 years.
This brings up three thought-provoking questions:
- Why would anyone fear being deported from hell? What could be worse? Cleveland?
- Who would be looking for them down there?
- How can there possibly be a basement in hell? Isn’t that already as low as you can go?
Guess what? There is! And Steve and Irving sent me a selfie to prove it, along with a not-too-surprising surprise!
Steve (left) and Irving, both in a ridiculous disguise to hide their identities, are on the run from federal authorities. They have entered a deeper stage of hell. And they have company! Image: Wikimedia Commons
Reader reactions to these lessons have been mixed...
"You suck. Your chemistry sucks. And your lawnmower sucks."
- Joe, a ball bearing salesman from Topeka, Kansas
But there's this too...
"I just LUV your chemestry lessons! And your really cute! xoxoxoxo"
- Chrissie, an aspiring cuticle technologist from Venice Beach, CA
But, for the most part, lost souls readers seem to like them, something that continues to baffle me years after I first tried this stupid idea.
So, let's do one about bismuth, a rather strange element that lives in a VERY bad neighborhood.
These days, if you're in a conversation and the word 'bismuth' comes up—admittedly unlikely—you’d better cover your mouth. Because there is no way to say this word without having saliva fly out of your mouth. Not only will your conversation hostage partner have to listen to mind-bending tedium but may also come down with Ebola in the process. It's not clear which is worse.
1. BISMUTH LIVES IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD
Bismuth is a metal surrounded in the periodic table by lead and polonium, both toxic. We all know about lead, but polonium is a real doozie. It has a number of isotopes, all radioactive, but the isotope 210Po is infamous, as it was implicated in the murder of a former Russian spy (See the BBC article "Alexander Litvinenko: Profile of murdered Russian spy.") It has been estimated that one gram is sufficient to kill 50 million people
2. BISMUTH IS SORT OF UGLY BUT IT CAN ALSO BE BEAUTIFUL
Bismuth metal. Meh. Photo: Wikipedia
But it can also look like this:
When bismuth is left in air it reacts with oxygen to give a thin film of bismuth oxide. The oxide has light-scattering properties, which are responsible for the colors. The colors are dependent on the thickness of the film. Wow! (Photo: Etsy)
3. BISMUTH HAS MEDICAL USES. ONE YOU KNOW, THE OTHER YOU DON'T
Who amongst us hasn't gagged down a mouthful of bismuth subsalicylate, better known as Pepto Bismol for heartburn, nausea, or diarrhea? Although, in my experience, it's not entirely clear whether it treats these maladies or causes them. Although bismuth, like most metals, has some toxicity bismuth subsalicylate has little or none (1). This is because the chemical is so insoluble in water that I couldn't even find solubility data other than "insoluble in water."
Bismuth subsalicylate (left) is a complex of salicylic acid (middle) and bismuth oxide. Note the structural similarity to aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid, right). This is the reason that people who are allergic to aspirin may have problems with Pepto Bismol.
Finally, I was surprised to find another use for bismuth. High doses of bismuth nitrate can alleviate some of the toxicity of cisplatin – arguably the worst chemotherapy drug of all.
You've probably had (more than) enough chemistry for one decade day, so I'll close with this. Have you ever taken Pepto Bismol and had your tongue (or stools) turn black? This is due to another chemical reaction. Bismuth reacts with sulfides, for example, hydrogen sulfide, in your mouth to form bismuth sulfide, which is black.
Enough already.
If there is anyone who hasn't gotten his or her fill of bismuth chemistry, get help. Even writing this has given me sufficient gastric distress to consider taking a gulp of the vile potion.
NOTE:
(1) Even though bismuth subsalicylate is very safe because of its insolubility, there have been rare cases of severe bismuth poisoning as well as allergic reactions to the salicylate part, especially in people who are allergic to aspirin.
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
